-sigh- In the words of Timone... "It starts..." I'm gonna try and capture my thoughts, but I doubt I'll do my brain justice...

I don't know where to start... my friends all come and talk to my mom because they feel like they can't talk to me because I'm two-faced around Tyler... I don't try to be, but honestly... what do they expect? They're all two-faced too. Everyone is. I don't really think they have the capability of understanding it all either... maybe they will someday, but they don't know... But I guess I just don't see why they can't come to me and tell me they're worried about me not being around... tell me they're afraid things aren't going to be fun because Tyler's home. I just wish they would come to me... they're supposed to be MY friends, and it feels like they all are - are Laurie's friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my friends get along with my mom... but shouldn't there be a fine line in there somewhere at least? I don't know... I feel bad because I'm really bitchy about it sometimes... but UGH! I just... wajdfhsadfa I hate when other people do the talking for me, and I feel like I'm incapable of doing it myself and always have been... I'm a mess and sometimes I just wish no one was associated with me in times like these.

But ugh!! JESUS CHRIST THEY TOLD MY MOM EVERY TIME THERE WAS A GROUP THING ME AND HIM GO OFF BY OURSELVES IN THE WOODS!!! That's really not true and it really fucks things up for me because my parents are already Nazis about that shit and I'm trying so fucking hard to do the right things and I'm trying to please everyone and it's making me terribly unhappy.

And then I feel like shit because I'm scared to talk to Tyler about all of this - I know I shouldn't be. I KNOW THAT. But I can't help it... I just get so afraid that he'll take it in a sense that he causes all these problems and say that I'm better off without him and UGH I don't even know... but none of that is true. I love him and he's perfect and this is just a big mess - it's all we ever fight over and I wish it would go away... It's just... apparently my friends are all scared to hang out with me or call me because they're afraid they'll get shit from Ty about how they don't respect our relationship and ugh! GOD DAMNIT! I'm so fucking confused right now I don't know what is going on I just want things to... to... ugh I lost my stream of thought... I don't know what anything means right now. It's like nothing is as it seems and it's only the motherfucking 2nd week of summer.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Because I have friends who like me but are scared to hang out with me and a boyfriend who if I tell that to, will think everything is his fault and that he is terrible which is the complete opposite of what he is. JESUS! Sometimes I feel like no one tries and understands things from my perspective... but that's probably just me being selfish. And I know for sure there is one person who always does that for me...

UGH!