I experienced my first real encounter with death yesterday... Katie died. She rolled her car. I don't think it's fully hit me yet, but all I know is that it hurts. It's been a roller coaster of a weekend... and I think I just need to process everything. I have a paper that I need to be writing, but I can't focus on that now.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and it's still officially my favorite holiday. This time I got to share it with the person I love most--Alex. I can't even begin to describe in words how happy I was to have him there, but simply stated it was perfect. He meshed perfectly with the family, memorized all their names, and everything just felt very natural... not to mention, everyone loved him. All of this is such a new sensation... I'm not used to universal acceptance of the guy's I've brought home in the past and that's definitely a big indicator that this one is beyond special. I stayed with him Friday night and we had another one of those butterfly moments, and I don't care if they are overly sappy or stupid--they are truly intimate and the fact that he is willing to have those kind of talks with me means the world. It's a large part of the reason why it's so easy to love him.

Friday him and I went over to Diane's house so he could help her clean up and I could help with whatever else--which ended up meaning talking with her and playing with her two year old daughter Besty. So cute. Diane and I ended up having a good talk about Alex and I while she was putting clothes away. Apparently she knew he loved me before he did, and is convinced of something... and I like that thought. A lot.

After that I went out with Carrie and it was good to reconnect with her. I love her muy much. Then Saturday rolled around and I did family things in the morning... we got our Christmas tree and on the way home from the lot we drove by a funeral which is one of life's creepy foreshadowings because not 4 hours later I got a phone call from Ashley Hovey telling me that Katie had died in a car accident earlier that morning. I'm glad I was alone when she told me because I completely broke down. I am so glad I was on my way to Alex's though... he was the only one I wanted to see because, call me selfish, all I could think about after the initial shock of losing Katie was the fact that I can't lose him. Honestly, I do not know what I would do. He has quickly become my rock over these last couple of months and is my world. Ugh... scary business. He helped a lot last night though too with the whole Katie thing... we just laid in his bed and he held me while I cried. He canceled our plans so that I could stay in for the night, ordered us pizza and sat through the extended Two Towers for me.

Today I was supposed to be productive... but being back at Augsburg makes that so hard. I called Jens this morning to see how he was doing. I'm so worried about him and I wish I could just give him a hug... we only talked for a couple of minutes, and he said he was ok, but I could hear the hurt in his voice. Nothing can make this easier for him and that's a hard thing for me to accept. Then I got in an argument with Grieger because he thinks Alex is a "square" because he is nerdy?? I get really frustrated because they are not very accepting of new people to the group--they don't like change or differences and they are juvenile. I almost feel like that point in life where we will all split apart is upon us, and that too makes me sad. I've known them and loved them as friends for a very long time, but it's just not working anymore...

Now I'm siting in the library staring at the computer trying to work on school stuff... but I can't stop thinking about Katie. She was the first friend I made here, and one of the few girls that I could talk to. I tend not to get a long very well with other girs, but Katie was different. We hit it off pretty fast, and even though Freshman year was a bit rough, we got past it. I'm sad our friendship can't continue to grow, but I'm glad I got the time I did. She was truly something else. I wrote her a letter... it was hard for me... I felt stupid sitting in the library doing it because I started crying, but oh well. It doesn't even matter at this point.

Love and death seem to go hand-in-hand for me this weekend... it's odd because it's a common discussion topic for my Shakespeare class. The latter makes you so treasure the former, it's unbelievable... but all about perspective. I just want to be back in Alex's arms. I just want to see him...

Later days, love for Katie.