Well friends, it's finally happened. I wanted to live in ignorant bliss and imagine that for the rest of eternity, or at least my lifetime, that Pixar would continue to make brilliant films. Sadly, that naive notion has crashed and burned. Cars 2, I ask you: Why?!

For those of you who live in a bubble and have not been exposed to teasers, trailers or other forms of Pixar advertisements, Cars 2 features our favorite cast of characters Lightning, Mater and crew in an action-packed adventure around the world - Paris, Italy, Tokyo, the works. In theory, it sounds pretty good. What kid wouldn't tug on his or her mom's jeans and beg to see it? Better yet, given Pixar's reputation, what mom wouldn't go willingly? Even as a single twenty-something, I was giddy with excitement.

That was until I realized that it's really a spy movie...

Unfortunately, that didn't happen in my case until about 20 minutes into the film. There was no going back, and truth be told I spent most of that time trying to convince myself that this was another playtime/dream sequence circa Toy Story 3. But no.

You may find yourself asking, "What's wrong with spies?" My answer - nothing at all! Clearly Pixar has proved that they are beyond capable of turning out a successful, creative, refreshing action film, but let's face it, Lightning McQueen is no Mr. Incredible. Cars 2 lacks the normal amount of thought, care and creativity that I would normally associate with Pixar. What made the first Cars so endearing was the homage payed to all things Americana. Classic cars, classic characters, and classic landscape.

Now what we have is a montage of things that we are supposed to associate with cool - flashy foreign towns, high speed races and chases, a weaponized Mater, flying cars, and thick accents among many, many other things. It is almost as if the production team held a brainstorming session with a group of 100 six-year-old boys and incorporated every sincle idea generated into the film. If we have sensory overload issues as a culture - this is surely evidence of that. It's all just too much.

We go from this (cue chirping birds):

To this (cue VROOOOOOOM-WOOSH):


And faster than you can say "0 to 60," everything we loved about the original is gone. If Pixar wanted to make a spy movie, they should have left Cars alone, and gone back to the drawing board. John Lasseter, what were you thinking???